takeout might have been a better call

I love Thai food. My favorite Thai place in town is Ruan Thai—I think I could eat my weight in their Pad See Ew or vegetable curry dishes. The curry is especially satisfying because it is so aromatic.

My aspirational self wants to cook and create all the lovely things found on Pinterest. But any pinner knows that those DIY projects and recipes are often too good to be true (hence why blogs like this exist). A few days ago, though, I spotted a curry noodle dish that looked pretty amazing, and super easy. So, I gave it a shot.


The result? Pretty lackluster. It smelled way better than it tasted (isn’t that usually the opposite?) So if you want your apartment to smell like curry, well, just heat up some oil and mix in some curry paste, and voila. Just don’t bother continuing with the other steps unless you revel in disappointment. You masochist.


I made a few changes to the original recipe based on what I had on hand, meaning, I added broccoli and a green bell pepper (I also much prefer green bell peppers to red bell peppers, which is what the recipe called for). Additionally, I had green curry (there were probably more options in the Kroger, but I wanted to move quickly as an older man who was mumbling to himself kept inching closer and closer to me), so my ingredients matched the color scheme. It’s always nice to have a monochromatic meal, right?


I also did not use chicken broth and instead dissolved one of those mystifying vegetable bouillons in hot water. That probably also detracted from the flavor. Before serving the curry over my microwaveable noodles, I added a good helping of salt because A) I already feel bloated being on my period, but I thought I could kick up the bloated feeling a couple notches and B) it would have otherwise tasted like milky water.

The recipe calls for rice noodles, which you submerge in boiling water to cook. Those would probably taste a lot better in this dish than what I opted for: a cheap block of microwaveable stir fry noodles. Hey, don’t judge. After microwaving, they came out in a nice block shape, much like my mom’s can-shaped cranberry sauce on Thanksgiving.


For the curry, heat up some oil in a pan and then add in about, oh, maybe like…1/2 a cup of curry paste? Let this hang out for a while, and enjoy the delicious scent, because that’s maybe the high point of this experience.

Add a cup of water and a cup of the broth of your choice to the curry. Let this hang out, too. Then add your veggies and a can of coconut milk.

The recipe calls for 1/4 cup soy sauce, which, oops, I didn’t have. So I skipped this step. But I would highly recommend adding something with flavor and a high sodium content.

After all the ingredients have spent enough quality time together, pour the mixture over your noodles, or rice, or whatever you have. Then, try not to fall asleep over the bowl as you eat and wonder why you spent the time cooking Thai food when there’s a marvelous Thai restaurant just down the street.

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