The Many Magical Wonders of Kale

Resolution: to be more self-disciplined.

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I know I haven’t posted in a while, and, well, I don’t really have any good excuses. I could say something super compelling, like that I’ve been backpacking through Europe for a month with nothing but a knapsack, a cat, and a notebook and post poorly Photoshopped pictures of myself rifling through brass beetles and sea glass at the Ecseri flea market in Budapest, or that I got hired at VICE magazine in New York and had to move immediately and am currently blogging from some tiny NYC apartment where the walls are yellow with old nicotine, or that I met an ethereal French woman who convinced me to elope with her before the new year.

But really, I’m just kind of lazy.

Resolution 2: to eat healthier. At this, I’m doing an okay job. One of the things I eat about twice a week is kale. I know, I know—it’s totally en vogue and trending with foodies everywhere. But it really is A) good for you, loaded with vitamins C, A, K and a bunch of minerals, and B) pretty darn tasty. I have a low tolerance for gross-tasting health foods. I enjoy food. And I enjoy kale. There, I said it! I’m drinking the Koolaid! (I’ve never really understood what that meant…)

Before I get into food business, here’s a video I made that’s somewhat relevant to the topic at hand:

Curiosities for Sale from Sarah Brooks on Vimeo.

Kale is like a cheap and desperate whore—you can pretty much do whatever you want to her, and she’ll still put out. So far I have:

• Used pre-washed, pre-chopped, frozen kale in smoothies (Oh, she sounds like a real douche now) (I know that’s what you’re thinking) (Or maybe I’m just insecure)
• Sauteed kale
• Made kale chips
• Ate it raw but was unenthused

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My favorite thing to do with kale is to saute it. Takes about -30 seconds and is so easy that your great aunt who lives alone and is blind in one eye could do it.
First, heat up some olive oil and sliced garlic in a big ol’ pot over medium heat. Before the garlic gets too hot, add in as much chopped, washed kale as possible, and then just kind of add in however much vegetable broth feels right. (OK, maybe like, half a cup? For one bunch of kale.) Cover it for about seven minutes. Once it gets wilty, stir it up and add many enthusiastic splashes of red wine vinegar. Boom, done.

How about chips made of kale? Don’t make the same mistake I did and assume that they’re going to taste like ass. This led me to salt them liberally so that they just tasted like I was licking one of those Himalayan salt rocks. Salt them a little bit, then taste them and feel free to add more. You can flavor these however you like, but I tend to stick with sea salt.

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With the sauteed kale, you can use the whole thing, stem and all. With kale chips, just pull off the leaves. Wash, pat dry, and lay out on a sheet of parchment paper or foil that’s layered over a baking sheet. Drizzle with olive oil (is there such a thing as using too much olive oil? I literally use it multiple times a day) and salt and bake at 350 degrees for about ten minutes. Keep an eye on ’em as they’ll burn quickly.

See? Easy as pie, and almost as tasty. Well, not really. But way better for you.

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Next time: I will prepare an overview of all the items I’ve pulverized in my new NutriBullet. I feel myself becoming obsessed, and I’m OK with that.