“Honey pie” is not just a grotesque term of endearment—it’s also an actual thing that you can bake. I found a recipe on Pinterest for salted honey pie with rosewater and was charmed. I mean, how poetic, right? Forager bees steal nectar from flowers and then vomit it into their hive, where it sits for a while and becomes honey. What better way to encapsulate this magical process than within a pie?
Locating the rosewater was tricky. I did not find it at any grocery store or pharmacy. I contemplated making it myself (all you have to do is boil rose petals), but then I realized that would make me the biggest asshole ever. So I checked out the pretentious capital of the world, a.k.a. Whole Foods, and found some in the aromatherapy section.
Hmm. I wasn’t sure if it was safe for consumption, so I scanned the ingredients list:
“Ingredients: Vor-mag Water (water that has been vortexed and magnetized to raise the energy to a higher vibration that we believe to be more beneficial), and Rosa Damascena (Hydroessential Rose) Flower Oil.”
So, rose oil and water with magical powers. Sold. I told my brother about the magic vortex water in the pie crust, and he said, “Diarrhea isn’t a magical power.” Well, you can’t be too sure.
This recipe calls for every possible formation of sugar and fat, so it tastes kind of good in the same way sucking a sugar cube tastes kind of good, until your teeth start to hurt.
Here’s what you’ll need:
• 2 1/4 c flour (I’m at my parents’ house for Thanksgiving, and they only had whole wheat flour, so that’s what I used. Consider this the “healthy” version!)
• 2 tbsp. sugar
• 1/4 tsp. cinnamon (I might add a little more—I couldn’t taste it)
• 1/4 tsp. kosher salt
• 1 c butter, i.e. 2 sticks, cut into teeny tiny pieces “the size of a pea” (I warmed mine first so it would blend better. Don’t do this. Cutting warmed butter is the opposite of easy. It sticks to the knife blade and turns into giant blobs. Am I handicapped?)
• 1 tbsp. rosewater (I added about a tbsp. and a half, to amp up the magic)
• 7 tbsp. ice water
• egg wash for glaze (this is just an egg white whisked with water)
• 3 eggs
• 1/2 c heavy cream (ooh, it’s gettin’ nasty in here)
• 3/4 c sugar
• 3 tbsp. cornmeal (I had to ask what this was at the grocery store…)
• 1/2 c melted butter
• 2 tsp. white vinegar
• 1/2 tsp. kosher salt
• 3/4 c honey (I made sure to use local honey…does it seem like I’m becoming more and more of a douche bag?)
• 1 tsp. vanilla
• kosher salt for sprinkling on top of the pie (the source blog calls for “pink sea salt,” but obviously I’m not taking it that far)